The Romance Noveltron 5000™

A lady-scientist, hard at work on the
Romance Noveltron 5000™ prototype.

I’m just home from a convention—the kind that’s 98% dancing and drinking and where “networking” is a dirty word yet “splooge” isn’t—and struggling to get my momentum back on the work-in-progress. So I wished aloud on Twitter that the urban legend were true: that somewhere there exists a supercomputer into which you can feed the basics of your romance novel, hit a button, and a fully formed story comes spilling out…ideally on that old-timey continuous paper with the tractor-feed edges. Like, plug in Gryffin, disgraced Navy SEAL, Allegra, mousy proctologist, small town Virginia, secret twins and the Romance Noveltron 5000™ whirs and smokes and out tumbles your RITA-winning story!

Well, it turns out that inventing said wundermaschine would require more time and money than actually writing my own book would, so I ultimately scrapped the plans. But what I did find when I Googled “story generator” was this site. A fully formed book it will not manifest, but OH MY GOURD did it spew out some killer elevator pitches, every last one of them a bona fide wonkomance begging to be written.

Check this genius:

In this story, an inexperienced garbageman falls in love with a misunderstood newscaster. What starts as disgust soon turns into obsessive love—all thanks to a wedding.

This story takes place in a large city in Iran. In it, a football player with a dark past falls madly in love with a healthy zoologist. It seems a detached gym teacher will bring them even closer together.

In this story, a combative barber falls in love with a spendthrift video game addict. Yet, how can a war tear them apart?

In this story, a pharmacist who lost meaning in life is introduced to an unathletic psychiatrist who belongs to a secret organization. What starts as obligation quickly becomes infatuation. It seems someone building a dwelling will bring them even closer together.

In this story, a promiscuous gym teacher ends up on the run with a stingy CIO. What starts as disgust soon turns into obsessive love—all thanks to longing. What role will an outlaw play in their relationship?

In this story, a college professor haunted by dark memories ends up on the run with an introverted librarian. What starts as curiosity quickly becomes obsessive love. It seems a gas station attendant will bring them even closer together.

In this story, a laborer who seems insane falls madly in love with a snide performance artist.

In this story, an unbalanced surgeon falls madly in love with a kind scuba diver. What role will an astronaut play in their relationship?

This story starts in a shooting range in an outpost. In it, a college professor with a false identity meets an unjust philosopher. What starts as indifference quickly becomes obsessive love—all thanks to an alienation. Yet, how can smuggling tear them apart?

In this story, a religious chemical engineer is in love with a terrorist who loves children. Yet, how can a trial tear them apart?

Well, you know what my next ten books will be about.

About Cara McKenna

Cara McKenna writes smart erotica—sexy stories with depth. Read more >
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11 Responses to The Romance Noveltron 5000™

  1. I want to read and/or write all of these right now.

  2. Ruthie Knox says:

    Ha! Me, too. I think my favorite one is the insane-seeming laborer with the snide performance artist. This really could be an excellent Cara McKenna book.

  3. Cara McKenna says:

    Oh fuck me, I just had to go and hit Generate again.
    In this story, a boastful gladiator is forced to live with a noisy nun. What starts as a professional relationship becomes obsessive love. Yet, how can a construction worker who suffers from a chronic medical condition tear them apart?

  4. Kimberly says:

    How fun!

  5. Amber Lin says:

    I got “In this story, a veterinarian who is a complete fraud becomes infatuated with a shifty astronaut – all thanks to the discovery of a lost item.” Dude, what? I love the idea of a fraudulent veterinarian.

  6. Karen Booth says:

    that is all kinds of awesome, Cara. Exactly as much as my Romanticon-adled brain can handle today.

  7. I would totally read the laborer and the performance artist. Or the librarian. And the pharmacist one sounds like BDSM club themed awesome sauce. *dies*

  8. Cara McKenna says:

    Oh God, had to share one more I just got.
    This story takes place in a comedy club in Montreal. In it, an athletic rat-catcher attends a social event and meets a paranoid archer. What starts as detachment soon turns into love. It seems a critical injury will bring them even closer together.
    Somebody write this. WRITE THIS NOW.

  9. Rhyll Biest says:

    My premise generator gave me this:
    “Elementally empowered traitors with no genitalia get in touch with their inner child in Ancient Greece.”
    Could be hard to write an erotic romance about traitors with no genitalia.