Yessssssss! Look at me! I remembered to do my post! Am not a total failure as a human being, though that’s in part due to one of the gals here who kindly set up an email reminder thing. And I got the email reminder thing! And then I put it in my flagged space in my emails because I need the flagged space due to my ancient, elderly goldfish memory that can only hold one idea at a time, and hey presto!

A post. Though now that I’m here I have no clue what I’m going to write. Stuff about things? Things about stuff? I’ve had this massive crush on Michael Shannon, lately, so maybe I’ll just talk about that. Since you couldn’t get much wonkier than him.

His face is like a tomb door. If a tomb door had really wide apart eyes and a mouth with no bottom lip. Seriously. There’s no lip there. I’ll even make a game of it: “Pin The Lip On The Tomb Door”. Go ahead and try it:

http://www.thenoobnews.com/uploads/2011/04/Michael-Shannon-1.jpeg

But it will be like those games at the fairground that you can never win, cos they’re a trap or a trick or the block’s too big. The block of his face is too big, I know that much. Or is it just an optical illusion, caused by this oddly narrow body? He’s tall, but his torso isn’t that wide, so it makes him look all hunched and pinched and weird.

I swear to God, the book I write about him is going to be weird. For a start, he’s never going to talk. I was thinking of making him mute, but I like the idea of him just not talking because that’s how weird he is. And I’m making him a cheese farmer, too. On a farm that looks like it fell out of a little read Stephen King story.

A Stephen King story that was based on Ed Gein’s life. I think it was called: “The Man With A Face Like A Tomb Door”, but it could equally called “Charlotte Stein Is Really Fooking Wonky”. Because I am, I know I am. I cut my readership in half daily, just by virtue of my pure wonkiness and my probable love of weird men with narrow bodies.

But that’s okay. Because I wouldn’t have me any other way.