A lady-scientist, hard at work on the
Romance Noveltron 5000™ prototype.
I’m just home from a convention—the kind that’s 98% dancing and drinking and where “networking” is a dirty word yet “splooge” isn’t—and struggling to get my momentum back on the work-in-progress. So I wished aloud on Twitter that the urban legend were true: that somewhere there exists a supercomputer into which you can feed the basics of your romance novel, hit a button, and a fully formed story comes spilling out…ideally on that old-timey continuous paper with the tractor-feed edges. Like, plug in Gryffin, disgraced Navy SEAL, Allegra, mousy proctologist, small town Virginia, secret twins and the Romance Noveltron 5000™ whirs and smokes and out tumbles your RITA-winning story!
Well, it turns out that inventing said wundermaschine would require more time and money than actually writing my own book would, so I ultimately scrapped the plans. But what I did find when I Googled “story generator” was this site. A fully formed book it will not manifest, but OH MY GOURD did it spew out some killer elevator pitches, every last one of them a bona fide wonkomance begging to be written.
Check this genius:
In this story, an inexperienced garbageman falls in love with a misunderstood newscaster. What starts as disgust soon turns into obsessive love—all thanks to a wedding.
This story takes place in a large city in Iran. In it, a football player with a dark past falls madly in love with a healthy zoologist. It seems a detached gym teacher will bring them even closer together.
In this story, a combative barber falls in love with a spendthrift video game addict. Yet, how can a war tear them apart?
In this story, a pharmacist who lost meaning in life is introduced to an unathletic psychiatrist who belongs to a secret organization. What starts as obligation quickly becomes infatuation. It seems someone building a dwelling will bring them even closer together.
In this story, a promiscuous gym teacher ends up on the run with a stingy CIO. What starts as disgust soon turns into obsessive love—all thanks to longing. What role will an outlaw play in their relationship?
In this story, a college professor haunted by dark memories ends up on the run with an introverted librarian. What starts as curiosity quickly becomes obsessive love. It seems a gas station attendant will bring them even closer together.
In this story, a laborer who seems insane falls madly in love with a snide performance artist.
In this story, an unbalanced surgeon falls madly in love with a kind scuba diver. What role will an astronaut play in their relationship?
This story starts in a shooting range in an outpost. In it, a college professor with a false identity meets an unjust philosopher. What starts as indifference quickly becomes obsessive love—all thanks to an alienation. Yet, how can smuggling tear them apart?
In this story, a religious chemical engineer is in love with a terrorist who loves children. Yet, how can a trial tear them apart?
Well, you know what my next ten books will be about.
I want to read and/or write all of these right now.
Ha! Me, too. I think my favorite one is the insane-seeming laborer with the snide performance artist. This really could be an excellent Cara McKenna book.
Oh fuck me, I just had to go and hit Generate again.
In this story, a boastful gladiator is forced to live with a noisy nun. What starts as a professional relationship becomes obsessive love. Yet, how can a construction worker who suffers from a chronic medical condition tear them apart?
How fun!
I got “In this story, a veterinarian who is a complete fraud becomes infatuated with a shifty astronaut – all thanks to the discovery of a lost item.” Dude, what? I love the idea of a fraudulent veterinarian.
And a shifty astronaut!
I hope the lost item is discovered inside a puppy’s stomach, and the fraudulent vet redeems him- or herself by performing a life-saving surgery to remove it! (And possibly disarm it at the last possible second, if it happens to be an explosive device.)
that is all kinds of awesome, Cara. Exactly as much as my Romanticon-adled brain can handle today.
I would totally read the laborer and the performance artist. Or the librarian. And the pharmacist one sounds like BDSM club themed awesome sauce. *dies*
Oh God, had to share one more I just got.
This story takes place in a comedy club in Montreal. In it, an athletic rat-catcher attends a social event and meets a paranoid archer. What starts as detachment soon turns into love. It seems a critical injury will bring them even closer together.
Somebody write this. WRITE THIS NOW.
My premise generator gave me this:
“Elementally empowered traitors with no genitalia get in touch with their inner child in Ancient Greece.”
Could be hard to write an erotic romance about traitors with no genitalia.