Let’s talk about Sexplanations

Welcome back from the winter holiday! Today’s post will be short-ish, because I only have one goal here: to heartily recommend the work of Dr. Lindsey Doe, host of Sexplanations.

Pulling OutIf you’re already a fan, you’ll know why there’s so much to like about Dr. Doe. If you’re not, just…go. Watch. Read. Fall in love a little. Because this woman is not only fiercely smart, committed to her cause (educating people about sexuality in a healthy, accessible way), and brilliant at using social media to further her aims…she’s also freakin’ adorable in the geekiest way possible, and y’all know I’m a sucker for that.

Aside from great information that any writer who describes sex can use, what I always get from Dr. Doe is a sense of great passion and enthusiasm for her topic. She really, really wants you to know about this stuff. She wants you to enjoy this stuff. She wants you to become okay with enjoying this stuff. Sometimes she’ll start a video by explaining why she held off on addressing that topic, and how she realized she was talking herself out of doing it, so you know she has inhibitions like we all do. But once she gets into discussing the subject, she is deliciously out there about it, and it is awesome.


I think we all feel like talking about sex can be a risk-laden endeavor. The information doesn’t tend to be out there, or at least not in a friendly, informative, non-porn format. We’re never quite sure if some people are safe sounding boards for our questions. When we do talk about it we’re aware it may come with a risk of being shamed or dismissed. So too often it stays in our heads, and festers. Then we get issues. Talking about it is so much better.


Romance writers (at least those of us who “leave the bedroom door open”) have kind of an edge in this area, because we can talk to each other about our characters’ various situations, and that can and often does lead to sharing personal anecdotes. But sometimes we’re stuck with our bafflement just like everybody else, thinking, Am I supposed to be doing a thing here? I am the only one who…? What the hell was THAT and should I be concerned or thrilled? Sex is wonderful, but it is messy and imperfect, and for most of us that translates to “potentially hugely embarrassing.” Dr. Doe acknowledges that feeling but then moves right on past it to the stuff you should know, presented in a way that is as informative as it is hilarious.


The latest Sexplanations video, posted today, is about masturbation, which is also the title of the video. Lindsey Doe is very clear in her descriptions, but it’s far from clinical, because ultimately what she describes is not just about having sex with yourself. It’s about romancing yourself. It’s worth watching even if you think you already know everything you need to about masturbation. Also in this video you get to see the adorable Dr. Doe dry-humping a chair, and if that doesn’t tempt you to go watch it, then what the hell will?

Okay, don’t let it fester. What topics would you like to see addressed on Sexplanations? Maybe we can lure her into Romancelandia for a chat… (Check the videos out before you comment, she has already covered a LOT of things).

By the way, Shari Slade said to leave this here:


(Okay she actually said to use a Divinyls gif, but the only one I could find was sorta freaky so I went with the cat instead).

I first became aware of Dr. Doe via her Tumblr (probably because of Shari Slade, Tumblr goddess), but quickly glommed on to the Sexplanations YouTube channel. She also has a Facebook if that’s your thing. And she’s on Twitter.

About Delphine Dryden

Areas of wonkery: geek culture, kink/BDSM, science for those who are not mathematically inclined, educational psychology. Read more >
This entry was posted in Life & Wonk, Talking Wonkomance, Thinky, Writing Wonkomance. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Let’s talk about Sexplanations

  1. Rhyll Biest says:

    She sounds awesome, I’m gonna go check out her YouTube vids. Perhaps you could ask her to do a post here on new and creative ways to handle the dreaded ‘pox chat’ in romance, where our lusty hero/heroine have to determine whether their potential partners might be a forked-tongue fibber riddled with syphilis.

  2. Shari Slade says:

    I adore everything about this.

    Dr. Doe is so inspirational, in both the doing-what-she-loves-WOW-I-want-to-be-like-that way and the plot-bunny way.

    I love love love her Want/Will/Won’t segment so hard. I even started filling out charts for two characters I’m having difficulties with.

    • Delphine Dryden says:

      I think the one on consent is my personal fave, but YES. Also: she pretty much IS a plot bunny.

      The Want/Will/Won’t for characters is an awesome idea. I may have to go there for a WIP I’ve got coming up. Hmm…

  3. Sarina Bowen says:

    Awesome! I hadn’t stumbled on Dr. Doe’s work before, but resources are always welcome.

    It’s so true that writing about sex requires input. By its very nature, its personal. But humans are remarkably diverse in what they seek out in the bedroom. So what’s a nerdy steam-writer to do?

    A few months ago I discovered that http://www.reddit.com/r/sex was full of sex-positive chatter. Now, the people who share there aren’t geeky sex educators. (Well, Maxxters is, but most are not.) So the advice served up there may often be just plain wrong. But the chatter is real. And lots of men post there, so you get to hear how they think, and all the million different ways they think. It’s da bomb.